writing to no one, 3:26am
oh i know how you feel, i know that pain exists.
Please abandon me in ecstasy, i don’t want to talk.
the disease is eating me from the inside out, soon it will show its face on mine,
but not now, you see, let me live a little.
I want to live, i want to exist and matter, i want to love and trust.
i cant do those things with you.
let me leave, friend, i need to stretch my legs.
ive been crouched in our corner for too long.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear friend,
you dont read this blog. You don’t know it exists.
from you lately, all i see is fists.
from me, all you think you see is a smile casting shadows on your frown.
no, darling, no,
my life is a mess.
one ghost is addicted to pain,
the other i see in passing.
anxiety leaves my bed cold as i lay on hard wood floors.
fear drives my lid shut tight.
frost nips at my toes, for His absence has left me cold.
im always alone, even with you, even with them.
i make friends with brains and books, just predict the decay.
waterfalls stream down the windshield, it feels safe there.
my friends are normal, i am not.
nothing about my life is normal,
it never can be.
right now i hate it.
i hate everything.
i hate myself.
~~
from your lukewarm pal,
bs.
