So yes, we all grew up. In the end no one could press pause, no one could preserve innocence, and everyone just deeps dying. That seems to be the only thing I’m good at these days. Wasting away like a cat with nothing better to do but sleep. My body and mind scream for rest, tugging my eyelids down and shutting off the sounds around me. I can’t seem to hear much anymore. Food tastes all the same, bathing overwhelms me, my heavy brain can’t think. I find myself frequently holding my breath, as if unconsciously I’m trying suffocate myself.
Maybe if i hold my breath long enough, time really will stop. Or perhaps a wish will come true, like when I was a child driving through a tunnel. I would hold my breath until my face turned purple and we came out the other end, all for one selfish wish. A new toy, a trip to Disney Land, all things that seems so extraordinary then. Now my wishes are just as greedy, but far more complicated. Ever day I hold my breath waiting for wishes to come true: to be anywhere but here and anybody but myself.